the crisis of the ellipsis

the crisis of the ellipsis

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During the first years of this blog,

I learned how important it was to develop my voice and style.

If you read any of the early years of posts,

my voice and style were essentially an overuse of the ellipsis.

Do you know what I mean?

An ellipsis is the series of three dots at the end

of an incomplete sentence.

I am sure I thought it was cute at the time.

Now I know it was a flashing arrow pointing

towards my incomplete thoughts or fear

of full disclosure.

Perhaps a feeble attempt to allow any reader to

finish the sentence to their liking.

Over the years, I have had occasions when

my resumé needed updating.

This exercise has proven to be an excruciating one.

No matter the accomplishments,

I only see the 10-year gap in my

work history.

It feels like an ellipsis,

(not a cute one),

an incomplete

thought and sometimes

in the midst of winter when my

spirit shrivels and sags,

it’s a persistent whisper begging

me to believe it signals

an incomplete life.

Yet I know this is far from

the truth.

The space between those dots appears

minuscule on paper,

as if nothing happened,

but in the real life of putting foot to concrete,

the expanse extends miles

past the written page.

Those little dots don’t reveal or describe

the time of sacred mothering for which

I am immensely grateful.

They don’t display the years of healing

from the toll of physically demanding

work.

So whenever a  reflexive shudder travels

from my head to spine as I survey the

gaps,

the pauses,

the sense of incompleteness,

I remember,

I am not the one who completes

my life sentence.

I am not even the author of those sentences.

I am to live fully awake in the sentence,

no matter when a comma or an ellipsis

seems to be an interruption.

Does your life consist of 

ellipsis overabundance?

Do those tiny dots seem to cast a 

large shadow over your days?

What friendship seemed close and now it is…?

Did you think you would occupy a certain role

by now?

Were you always intending to go back to school?

Do you equate incomplete with inadequate?

Could we pause for a moment today and

embrace the ellipsis in our lives?

Would we allow our minds to roam over those areas

which seem incomplete and accept them

in all their “as is” glory.

If it is a friendship,

how can we move toward it

or was it only meant for a particular season?

If it is a dream,

how can we realign it or practice

patience while we wait?

For each dot of the ellipsis,

find one reason to be grateful

for the pause.

Our lives are full of gaps

and interruptions,

embrace them as teachers

and not as harsh taskmasters.

The ellipsis simply means

your life isn’t finished yet,

and this my friends,

is a marvelous reality.

 

 

give thanks for dreams

give thanks for dreams

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I hardly notice my clenched grip around the steering wheel

as I speed to make a coffee date.

Late I am and questions are being lobbed around my head, such as

will there be enough to make dinner out of leftovers,

did I ever return that email 

and a host of other items on my invisible to-do list.

Suddenly my eyes scan farther in the distance than the next stop

light and catch a glimpse of a beloved sight.

A dream vaults into view.

The reality of a dream now absorbed into daily life.

I suck in my breath as I behold my dream.

There is no missing Mt. Hood in all its snow-clad glory lifting out of the hazy blue sky.

Growing up among rolling hills and wheat fields,

I had once dreamed of being in the presence of mountains

and near enough to see the ocean without needing the assist

of an aircraft.

Oregon has provided these wonders and tosses in waterfalls,

lush trees and great food beyond measure.

I am living and breathing in a dream yet I forget and lament

those dreams which lay unfulfilled.

I  loosen the curl of my fingers on the wheel and lift my eyes up.

Up to the hills where my strength comes.

Up to the place where every blessing and good thing

has its origin.

I say thank you.

Oh how I want praise and gratitude to be a non-negotiable in

my life.

I wish I could tell you that it is my default response

and that it didn’t take a mountain to cross my path to remind me.

It is so easy to rehearse my perceived lack and not the

blessings strewn about my head to toes.

If giving thanks was a non-negotiable in our days,

how different would the world look?

Give thanks for dreams.

Simply give thanks for this blessed life.

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Happy May Day!

Enjoy the following May desktops.
Some are available without a calendar like
the bike image above.

One (dozens)

Two

Three

Four