During the first years of this blog,
I learned how important it was to develop my voice and style.
If you read any of the early years of posts,
my voice and style were essentially an overuse of the ellipsis.
Do you know what I mean?
An ellipsis is the series of three dots at the end
of an incomplete sentence.
I am sure I thought it was cute at the time.
Now I know it was a flashing arrow pointing
towards my incomplete thoughts or fear
of full disclosure.
Perhaps a feeble attempt to allow any reader to
finish the sentence to their liking.
Over the years, I have had occasions when
my resumé needed updating.
This exercise has proven to be an excruciating one.
No matter the accomplishments,
I only see the 10-year gap in my
work history.
It feels like an ellipsis,
(not a cute one),
an incomplete
thought and sometimes
in the midst of winter when my
spirit shrivels and sags,
it’s a persistent whisper begging
me to believe it signals
an incomplete life.
Yet I know this is far from
the truth.
The space between those dots appears
minuscule on paper,
as if nothing happened,
but in the real life of putting foot to concrete,
the expanse extends miles
past the written page.
Those little dots don’t reveal or describe
the time of sacred mothering for which
I am immensely grateful.
They don’t display the years of healing
from the toll of physically demanding
work.
So whenever a reflexive shudder travels
from my head to spine as I survey the
gaps,
the pauses,
the sense of incompleteness,
I remember,
I am not the one who completes
my life sentence.
I am not even the author of those sentences.
I am to live fully awake in the sentence,
no matter when a comma or an ellipsis
seems to be an interruption.
Does your life consist of
ellipsis overabundance?
Do those tiny dots seem to cast a
large shadow over your days?
What friendship seemed close and now it is…?
Did you think you would occupy a certain role
by now?
Were you always intending to go back to school?
Do you equate incomplete with inadequate?
Could we pause for a moment today and
embrace the ellipsis in our lives?
Would we allow our minds to roam over those areas
which seem incomplete and accept them
in all their “as is” glory.
If it is a friendship,
how can we move toward it
or was it only meant for a particular season?
If it is a dream,
how can we realign it or practice
patience while we wait?
For each dot of the ellipsis,
find one reason to be grateful
for the pause.
Our lives are full of gaps
and interruptions,
embrace them as teachers
and not as harsh taskmasters.
The ellipsis simply means
your life isn’t finished yet,
and this my friends,
is a marvelous reality.
