when you are prone to busyness
In early 2020, before the awareness of a relentless virus entered the atmosphere, my life was often led by an invisible leash called my schedule. I murmured about the ever-increasing pace of my busyness treadmill. Yet felt helpless against a persistent pressure resting on my back, propelling me towards the door.
It’s taken over a year of a slowed-down existence to fully absorb how easily I succumbed to going about my days in an unconscious fog. This realization has led me to visualize how subtle the slide back into my former lane might be.
My planner has become useful again, a definitive sign of increased activity in my days. I can feel the gentle tug towards busyness as more time is spent outside of my home. In many ways, I welcome this shift bringing increased interactions. Yet another part of me can feel a sense of unease growing when days contain multiple appointments and outside commitments. I have lost the ability to juggle and multitask and perhaps this is a good thing. My Friday days off used to be packed with neglected errands. Today, I would need to chase a day of errands with a nap.
I have begun to start thinking about my essential and non-essential activities. Once life becomes safer, it will be tempting to see everyone under the sun and give a “yes” answer to all requests. We have missed being in one another’s presence. I want to move at a slower pace to enjoy every reunion.
It may not be possible to completely push away the old life rhythms but I am determined to be more aware of when I fall prey to hectic ways. This habitual style of living hasn’t always served me well nor come with a ready-made answer to avoid its allure and familiarity.
How can full days be the exception and not the rule of my life?
What factors make a week feel heavy or burdensome?
Which calendar items bring joy or sap my energy?
I want to remember how over the passage of a year, decisions were plentiful and difficult. Many decisions held the potential weight to cause another person’s sickness. I know my decision-maker is frayed and worn-out. When I am fatigued by too many decisions, it is easy to be swayed in the wrong direction or simply submit, losing my ability to fight for clarity.
As I ponder returning to a more ordinary rhythm, I feel a deep tug to be more intentional in taking a Sabbath rest each week. The gift of taking a Sabbath rest, by setting aside a day or a large portion of time, is laying down my need to be productive or to continue working.
But I wonder if an added benefit is also how the Sabbath allows a break from the drudgery of making decisions. To be forewarned is to be forearmed, as the saying goes. If I can dimly see into the distant future at my propensity toward pitfalls associated with busyness, it might be wise to start developing resistance strategies now.
I am wading through these questions and the unknown with you. I hear whispers of fear causing me to feel powerless to maintain a sustained shift against the velocity of life. I know more than ever, I do not want to run through my days as if hurry and busyness is my preferred currency.
I was feeling bound by future worry alongside a mountain of unmade decisions and reached for a tried and true book at day’s end. I read a prayer causing me to trade my shallow breaths for deeper ones, hope for hopelessness.
As you read each line:
May you feel seen and known.
May you be saturated with deep and abiding peace, no matter what type of day you inhabit.
May you know God is with you in the midst of busy and quiet restful days.
Of this, I can be absolutely sure.
O God, immortal, eternal, invisible, I remember with joy and thanksgiving all that you have been to us:Companion of the brave;
Supporter of the loyal;
Light of the wanderer;
Joy of the pilgrim;
Guide of the pioneer;
Helper of all whose work is heavy;
Refuge of the brokenhearted;
Deliverer of the oppressed;
Relief of the tempted;
Strength of the victorious;
Ruler of the rulers;
Friend of the poor;
Rescuer of the perishing;
Hope of the dying.
Give me faith now to believe that you can be all in all to me, according to my need…
Show your loving-kindness, O Lord, to all who are in need of your help. Be with the weak to make them strong and with the strong to make them gentle. Cheer the lonely with your company and the distracted with your solitude. Grant your blessing to all who have worked hard today, in Christ’s name.
Amen.
~From John Bailie’s A Diary of Private Prayer
