waiting
After the turn of Monday, our son Caleb will begin to receive the resolution to questions hanging in limbo related to his college application process.
It has been a seemingly endless season of waiting.
He submitted the bulk of his applications by the first day of November, obtaining entrance to a few schools but the remainder has required a lengthier waiting period than anticipated.
This has proven to be an exercise of experiencing what is “in your hands” while looking out into the distance at the unpossessed and unpromised.
It is a balancing act of gratitude in the midst of perpetual hoping.
I can assure you, this will not be a post about the ease of waiting or how many lessons can be gained from this prolonged period of holding one’s breath.
I will assure you, holding one’s breath only elevates heart rate and anxiety.
I would not recommend it.
Waiting is hard.
Waiting is long.
Waiting can feel lonely.
Waiting feels akin to being in a dark room searching for a light switch.
Waiting is like catching sight of beauty from the confines of a speeding car.
What I want to write about is what we prayed over Caleb this past weekend.
We launched many words over him as he lounged on our slouch couch with his hoodie pulled tightly over his head. The most important words were:
“who you are, how hard you have worked, and all that God has deposited into you will not be diminished by a no or elevated because of a yes. You are still Caleb, a wonder, no matter the results. We have no idea what a no or a yes will ignite in your life, but God does.”
It’s an incredibly vulnerable position to present your academic record, letters from people who believe in you, and wrack your mind to recount every honor or time of service that might deem you even more worthy.
Then assemble words to decipher some of life’s unknowable questions and dilemmas when you still have a curfew.
We believe the next few weeks will be a collection of opening and shutting doors, dreams expanded or rearranged.
This is what we have been told to believe.
Is this true?
We have been led to believe if we get what we want, this is good.
If we are given a no, this is bad and unacceptable.
This time of waiting has shown us how often we do not see the full picture.
There are hidden circuits we have no idea if they will light up or remain dim.
It has shown us that we offer our best, this is what can be controlled.
We also know that disappointment, as well as celebration, is to be allowed and honored.
We wait on the other side of knowing.
What are you waiting for this week?
Is it a test result?
A job offer?
A child who has gone astray?
An upcoming birth?
The restoration of a relationship?
Life is all about waiting and in this stretch of time when we have been waiting to get to the other side of a pandemic, we wonder if there is a finish line.
As soon as we glimpse a flash of light leading to “the other side”, a war erupts making it appear waiting will always be our fickle companion, this side of heaven.
Today, whatever you are waiting for, you are still you.
You are a wonder.
Even if you receive the harshest news, you are not less than who you are today.
You are not absent from or diminished in God’s eyes.
In fact, you are held even tighter in the midst of the news.
Whatever news you receive this week, anticipated or unexpected, may you know you are loved and are continually a wonder within this waiting world.
