Our daughter Courtney was married on Saturday.
When I can wrap my mind around all I felt about that day, I will share that in writing as well.
But for now, I wanted to share a few thoughts.
I took this photo in late April.
In all our preparations for the wedding, we were also trying to spruce up our much lived in home, inside and out.
I planted nasturtium seeds along our fence up to the place where the sunflower seeds would be thrown.
I lamented how nothing was happening other than a few new weeds needing to be plucked from the earth.
I had mostly given up hope but gave one last effort of watering and forgot about this plot of land, because of all the list making and such.
One day, I pulled into the driveway and upon exiting my car, my eyes landed on green.
Sprouts had pushed through my disbelief and emerged, like lily pads floating above a pond.
The month of May in Portland brought very little rain. These conditions seemed ideal and my nasturtiums grew and then didn’t. But I left them alone as they don’t demand a lot of fuss or rich soil.
By June, the plants seemed stronger and I felt confident they would be blooming to happily greet our visiting family.
The week before the wedding, they were in full bloom.
My parents arrived on Tuesday to begin the parade of wedding guests. On Wednesday morning, I opened a couple of wedding business related emails that contained miscommunications and anxiety began to crawl inside my stomach.
Carl came into the kitchen from the backyard and asked if I had been digging in the nasturtiums. I looked at him puzzled and said no.
As I stepped onto the patio, I could see small mounds of dirt, holes and nasturtiums strewn all about and a deep hole along one section of the sunflowers.
An animal must have been searching for something unseen.
Quickly I scooped up droopy plants and soil and tried to replace them and showered each plant with water, hoping to revive.
It may seem silly but I felt unraveled by this discovery. The emails had brought stress and coupled with this annoyance, I felt overwhelmed.
Time, however, does not stop or rewind. We marched on, tried not to grumble about misunderstandings because a wedding was coming!
A wedding that no matter how hard and often I prayed, I could not lasso a glimpse of what it would be like. I couldn’t envision the collection of people who would be witnesses. I couldn’t imagine how we would feel as we watched two lives joined and families who live on opposite coasts united. The not being able to see caused me sleepless nights. It renewed my awareness of my need for control.
What I know now is that early sight can obscure the full expanse of seeing a vision in totality.
I was not supposed to peek into the future. I was to continue to walk towards the unseen and believe.
I wasn’t given foreknowledge or foresight because I wouldn’t have believed what I saw.
I wouldn’t have appreciated the beauty had I not held fists full of dirt that marred my mood and view.
I wouldn’t have prayed as much.
I wouldn’t have realized how important it is to ask for help.
I wouldn’t have learned how sharing the load brings joy to the co-laborers and ease to my shoulders. We all need to lean on someone.
I wouldn’t have opened my hands in surrender.
I wouldn’t have appreciated beauty if it weren’t for the disruptions and destruction that crossed my path.
If you are straining for a better look at a future vision, don’t fret, we all tend to want to crane our necks.
This life is a mystery and it is littered with sights unseen.
Open your hands.
Lift your chin to the sky.
Open your lips and let your held breath escape towards the heavens.
Allow the buried seeds of your life to stretch from darkness to light, from a whispered hope to the glory of vibrant blooms marking your path.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
Ecclesiastes 3: 11