of anniversaries and decade finales

The whole outlook of mankind might be changed
if we could all believe that we dwell under a friendly 
sky and that the God of heaven. 
though exalted in power and majesty,
is eager to be friends with us.

`A.W. Tozer

August 25th and August 26th mark my

49th birthday and my 7 year blogging anniversary.

I am calling this year my 40’s finale.

Whether you are leaving your teens or tip toeing towards a new decade,

it deserves a time to pause and wonder.

I woke up on Sunday and mused at how many areas of my life

remain the same.

Some dipped for the good only to find their way back up-stream.

Many areas seemed untouched.

Even with some big victories tightly clasped in my palms , I seem to quickly

set them aside and pick up the missteps, the failings, the weak patches.

Most years, I have felt deflated and defeated.

This year, I don’t.

I feel mostly grace.

I am embracing the ebb and flow of my days.

My birthday marked 6 months coffee and Splenda free.

I walked a lot and I lost a lot of weight

and then I found a lot of it again.

I detoxed this year but this summer I feasted.

A lot.

I confess that I enjoyed every calorie-laden moment

I shared with people I love.

Even a cup of tea shared brought gratitude.

I have months of being cloistered in the Word and then

without warning the pages seem glued closed.

I can be joyous and a tyrant within minutes.

Just like Paul, I do what I don’t want to do and I don’t do what

I really want to do.

It is the struggle.

The rub.

The substance of life.

I am exploring the notion of embracing being different.

Not so eager to follow the well-worn tracks of others just because it is what one

should do.

I am weary of should’s.

Are you as well?

We had two weeks of home vacations.

No passports or suitcases.

I stopped apologizing about this fact to others.

Why should I be sorry for what was best for our family for this appointed season

and summer?

I have learned to say no.

I am not sure if it will ever come easy but it is getting easier.

I have learned to rest.

I am learning how fully God covers my feeble steps with His grace,

His compassion,

His comfort and

His very God-ness.

I am leaning hard into the fact that this little corner of cyberspace is just as much His

as the Milky Way.

It may not matter in the grand plan of life how often or how many words I write here or

what particular words I am compelled to pound out from a keyboard.

What matters is that I am His.

What matters is He has made me think and write a certain way.

So I write because it makes me feel closer to Him.

I stand amazed that you all have remained during dry spells

and busyness and poor grammar.

Oh and the years of run-on ellipses.

I am His whether life or scales dip up or down.

I am His throughout the expanse of each day whatever may come my direction.

I am so grateful to have been His in my teens and each decade falling like dominoes.

I would be equally grateful if the truth of Him was revealed to me for the first time today,

He would be just as delighted to call me His own.

Happy Birthday,

Happy Anniversary,

Happy Grace-filled everyday to me.

To you too.

I continue to be filled with such gratitude that you continue to visit this 

space and share your words with me.

Happy Happy Joy Joy to you this very day!

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4 thoughts on “of anniversaries and decade finales

  1. What beautiful perspective as you reflect and press forward from your forty finale. The wisdom He’s given you here will propel you well into your next years. Recognizing grace-filled moments more than setbacks, and forgiveness are the hallmarks of a well-lived life. Your writing blesses me. So glad you took a moment to record the beauty God has shown you. And Happy Birthday, my friend. May you embrace this year and many more.

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  2. ci says:

    Helen, It is my privilege to see you live out the words of this post. You are the real deal and you are teaching each of us around you to live fully in the moment and to care only about what He cares about. To change our thoughts and routines to mimic His and to find joy in the now…today. Thank you for your faithfulness and for sharing your gifts and life with us! You are loved!

    Like

  3. Jill says:

    Helen, you exhibit Gods grace and His beauty in how you live life and share these rich nuggets of truth with us. Thank you for your honesty and transparency in your writing. You encourage me to live with more intention and purpose, and to make every moment of the day matter. Happy Birthday, Happy Anniversary, Happy this day!

    Like

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